Tag Archives: loss

The deep end

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I should have stayed in the shallow end of the pool
Getting nothing wet but my feet and legs
Risking nothing more than a chill
But I’m drowning
Choking on all of the right choices I’ve made
I’m drowning on all my loyalty and love
My lungs are filling and I die
I die
The air that I try to breathe
It’s not air
And my lungs fill while I panic
Clamping,biting and heaving
And I’m in the deep end of the pool
Drowning
Feet trying to find the bottom
Drowning on people dying and hurting
Drowning in all the pain that they are not willing to face
And I’m under the water with no way out
And I don’t know what’s worse
To die and stifle and suffocate
Or to wade in the shallow end of the pool
And not care and just watch
While everyone else
Slowly goes under

Kiss me now

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Kiss me now like it is the last time
For tomorrow only brings sorrow
Kiss me now
And hold me
While warm love is still on my lips
Warm breath still in my body
Kiss me now
While I still have life
For some time tomorrow
I will be cold

The kindness of strangers

The kindness of strangers
Has kept me going
Amidst death and pain
So much kindness has been sent my way
My heart though broken and rent
Is touched by so many
So far away
So many I don’t even know their name
But I do know their kindness of thought
And deed
Thank you
For without all of you
My heart would bleed
Until I died

 

 

I won’t hold her

I won’t hold her

I won’t bind her to this earth

Not after losing the second one

Not after losing her baby

I won’t force her to stay

Not by promise or time

Or love or sacred vow

There is only so much

A human heart can take

Before it bleeds and breaks

When this one goes

I think that I I will have say goodbye

To all that I love

I won’t hold her

Anymore

 

The blue shed

She caught him out in the shed
Like a thief
Stealing a moment of pain
Wracked by sobs and pouring out tears
Over small and faded pink canvas shoes
The shoes had supplanted his purpose
Sapped his intent
They made his tools indifferent
And uncaring
Turned them into nothing more
Than rusting steel and hanging shapes
Outlined on musty pegboard
That meant nothing
Nothing at all
Until her small and gentle hands touched him
And in shame
He dried his eyes
And put the shoes away
Back in their box on the shelf
And became a man again
Lived again
And worked again
In his shed full of tools

Lies in the hospital room

My words became roses
And made bouquets
To brighten her room
Beautiful red roses
Without any wilted petals
Of sorrow or fear
I left them laying
Strewn carelessly
About her bed
And left the crying
For the cold hallways

A trip to see my father

I look at him
Illuminated  by the dim yellow glow
of warm lamplight

He smiles
reclined and comfortable
in the chair of my youth

His rough unshaven face
carries the lines
of a million good times

His warmth makes
the slightly tattered furniture
look better, more comfortable

He stays up late into the night
telling worn old jokes
still funny

He basks in the love of his family
come to see him
and is warmed

I am carried back
carried to my place
in that chair

Loved and protected
rough whiskers on my skin
always safe with him

Sitting in that chair
always with a laugh
always with a smile

Now the oxygen tube snakes
’round his neck
while he tells stories

But his laugh
is still deep
and loud

The hour is late
and I drink his fine whiskey
that he no longer can

I look deeply
into his sparkling eyes
and know that he will die

But not when he can laugh
and still feel
like a child