I remember exactly where I was like it was yesterday. I was at work and I was working with a guy named Joe off of a service truck. We were at Joe Miller’s house repairing irrigation valves in his front yard. We were both covered in mud and dirt when Joe, the home owner, emerged from the house. He walked over to where we were working and told us that we had to come inside and see what was happening on the television. We were at first hesitant because of the mud, but he insisted that we come inside.
He had a big plasma TV on the wall and as we watched they showed footage of the second plane slamming into the towers. We stared in awe at the footage for about 15 minutes until it was interrupted by a new report. Rueters said that the Pentagon had been attacked and eyewitnesses on the ground said that a helicopter had fired a missile at it. I am not making any of this up; they later backtracked on the report, but we were long gone by them.
Shortly afterwards we hit the road to head back to our shop and as we did, we discussed the significance of the helicopter. Knowing what the range of a helicopter is pretty much guarantees that it is not foreign. A military helicopter of our own flavor firing on the Pentagon has a totally different significance.
So, as we are traveling we approached an intersection and there was a car parked in the turn lane, kind of cockeyed with the door open.As we slowed down to see what was up , a guy gets out and approaches us. He’ like early forties, long hair and kind of rough. Joe rolled down the driver’s window and this is what the guy has to tell us;” I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. My brother in law is in the military and he just called my sister. He told her to grab the kids and head for the mountains as fast as she can because the birds are up and in the air.”
We looked at him in shock. This dude was serious and believed every word he said. “Who’s birds are up? Ours? Theirs? Russia?”. He indicated that he did not know and was just passing the message. He closed by wishing us well and telling us to watch our asses.From that point on we got in a serious hurry and double timed it back to our shop.
Of course when we got there, we got the real story of what was going down. My wife worked there at the time doing dispatch and she couldn’t understand the level of freaked out we had going on when we came in and frankly I don’t think she ever will.She had the TV on and quickly gave us the low down on and assured us that there were no helicopters or birds in the air.
So later that day ,Joe being all introspective, asked me what I would have done if the birds really were in the air. I told him that I would have rushed down to the corner deli, which is right down the street, and gotten two bottles of wine and a hard salami. He looked at me perplexed and queried “Why?” I told him that my wife Deborah and I would sit in the parking lot and down the bottles of wine and wait; It wouldn’t be a long wait. So then he asked what I would do with the salami.
I asked him if he knew what a nuclear shadow was and he replied that he didn’t. I explained that if you are near a building or something similar, that when you are vaporized in a nuclear blast it leaves a shadow of your form. I then told him that after drinking the wine I was going to lay down in the parking lot and put the salami between my legs.Now he was really perplexed and wanted to know for what possible reason I would do that. I told him that some day some future archaeologists, 3000 years from now might excavate this parking lot and when they did they would say ” Hey, look at this. This dude is hung like a horse.”
He just looked at me and shook his head. “You really are a sick twisted bastard, You know that?”
I know. I am.